Navigating the tricky waters of creating the perfect guest list balance!

Wahoo!! You’re engaged!! You’ve announced it to the world and now the fun part of pulling together your guest list can begin!!

Developing a guest list for your wedding should be fun but this is one area of wedding planning that requires a delicate balance of diplomacy, finesse and strategy to get the perfect balance.

Quick history lesson - back in the day, it was traditional for the brides’ family to pay the majority of the bigger ticket wedding items such as venue, catering, dress, food, drink, entertainment etc. with the groom’s family picking up smaller costs.

Whilst those days are behind us, money (as in all parts of life) still has the ability to change the dynamics in a relationship and there can be expectations that go with this (don’t assume anything when it comes to money!).

Your task as a couple is to create a guest list of the most important and loved people you want around you on your big day, all without causing hurt feelings, financial blow outs and not honouring those who have helped support you financially!!

Phew! That’s a lot to ask of anyone!

Check out the below for 5 common tricky traps when developing a wedding guest list and our advice on how to achieve the perfect balance:

Budget Constraints

Difficulty:
Limited budget may restrict the number of guests you can invite.

Resolution:
It’s a reality! Unless you’re Kim Kardashian it’s likely you’ll have a wedding budget that may mean some tough decisions need to be made about the size of your guest list.

Be ruthless in your budget management to maximise your budget and therefore your guest list.

Clearly define your budget early in the planning process.

Start with an estimate of the number of guests you’d like
Obtain at least two quotes for each type of vendor (if possible)
Set a contingency for unplanned expenses (10 - 15% of your total budget).
Priortise what’s really important and what’s a non-negotiable as this will help determine where your money goes - does not having live music between the ceremony and reception mean you can have more guests or is this something you don’t want to give up?
Ask yourselves these questions each step of the way!
Ask questions about quotes if there’s something you don’t understand so you don’t get a financial surprise later (vendors don’t mind!).
Be clear on whether there’s anything not included in the quote that you’d need to factor in (delivery costs, security, overtime, tax, corkage etc.).
Once you have all costs and quotes then you can get down to the nitty gritty of determining whether you can have the number of guests you’d like or do you need to compromise more in some areas.

2. Venue Capacity:

Difficulty:
Your chosen venue may have limitations on the number of guests it can accommodate.

Resolution:
Before finalising your guest list, confirm your preferred venue's capacity.

Whilst the venue might have alternative ways for accommodating extra guests (reception rooms, marquee cover outside etc.), there will be a regulated limit that they can’t go over.

If you have your heart set on a particular venue, you may need to adjust your guest list to meet capacity requirements.

This might mean reevaluating certain guests or making tough decisions about who to include.

Being flexible in your approach to venue selection means you’ve got more options if your preferred venue doesn’t allow for your entire guest list or has limitations.

Consider alternative venues if possible. This might involve looking for larger venues, adjusting the event layout, or seeing if there’s solutions to accommodate your guest count in other ways.

Another way around this might be to invite a smaller number to your reception and then have a bigger day after function.

3. Family and friends dynamics

Difficulty:

Family and friend dynamics can be tricky, especially if there are relationships that are strained or differing expectations (or differing expectations based on who’s contributed money).

Resolution:

Open communication is key. Discuss expectations with both families early in the planning process. Be clear about the number of guests each side can invite.

If family members (or others) have contributed money towards your wedding and feel this allows them more guest invites than you can give, diplomacy is the key - make sure they know you’re grateful and appreciative for their support. Be transparent about your guest list and how your based your numbers and this’ll avoid misunderstandings later on.

If conflicts arise, be diplomatic and find compromises that respect everyone's feelings.

Ultimately though, remember this is your wedding day and having a meaningful day with family and friends is YOUR priority.

4) Plus one’s:

Difficulty:
Arrgh - determining who gets a plus-one can be a sensitive issue!

Resolution:
Establish clear guidelines and your own set of priorities for handling plus-ones.

Traditionally, married or engaged couples receive automatic plus-ones but for single guests you might want to consider things like the length of your relationship or whether they know other guests - if your friend asks if she can bring her new partner who you’ve met 3 times, you and your fiancé might want to agree that this doesn’t fit with how you want to allocate your guest list spaces.

Be diplomatic but firm in how you handle requests for plus ones (have a response that’s clear but still kind up your sleeve: “as much as we’d like for all our guests to be able to bring plus-one’s because of budget/venue size (whatever reason), we've had to limit our numbers. We hope you understand because it wasn’t an easy decision for us to make”

Agree these guidelines in advance with your significant other and be consistent in applying these - it’ll avoid misunderstandings and unintentionally hurting people’s feelings later on.

5) Work colleagues and acquaintances

Difficulty:
Deciding whether to invite work colleagues or acquaintances may be challenging.

Resolution:
Set clear boundaries based on your relationship with coworkers and acquaintances. Seeing a common theme with the points above?? Who gets invited comes down to their relationship with you and the importance they have in your life - if your workplace is small and you’re a close group, if you have space, you might consider inviting your colleagues.

Don’t feel obligated to invite everyone though; focus on those who you genuinely like - your workmates WILL understand if they’re not invited to your wedding and there’s lots of ways of keeping them involved in the lead up to (and after your wedding).

Show them the photos afterwards, gossip in the tearoom before - they’re still going to enjoy being part of the fun of you getting ready for your day if they’re not there themselves.

Remember, communication is crucial throughout the process!!

Be open and honest with your partner, families, and friends about your decisions - it’ll solve any issues or challenges going forward!

Feel ready?? Grab your pen and paper and get drafting!

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